Digital Learned Helplessness: A Survival Guide for Older Folks
Bridging the digital divide without losing your mind in a tech-driven world
Here is a copy for those who prefer to read on Medium and engage there.
Not long ago, I pressed the wrong button and lost days of work. It was painful — it ruined my whole day. A simple mistake, yet it left me feeling frustrated and helpless.
As an older adult struggling with digital skills, I often feel at the mercy of technology. But I refuse to give up. Instead, I approach it with curiosity, a growth mindset, and mindfulness.
If you’ve ever felt lost trying to navigate a new device or overwhelmed by digital tasks, you’re not alone. Despite my kids and grandkids offering plenty of help, I still struggle.
My grandkids tease me sometimes: “Grandpa, you studied for a hundred years, but you can’t even use Snapchat!” I laugh, but deep down, I wish we had gadgets like these in my youth. When I grew up, there wasn’t even a TV — only physical books and the radio for entertainment.
This frustration is what experts call digital learned helplessness — a growing challenge, especially for older adults like me. But here’s the good news: we can overcome it, one step at a time — with patience and mindfulness.
What Is Digital Learned Helplessness?
Have you ever tried to use a new gadget, only to feel so frustrated that you just wanted to give up? That’s digital learned helplessness — when technology feels so confusing or overwhelming that we stop trying altogether.
This idea comes from psychologist Martin Seligman, who studied learned helplessness — a state where people give up on solving problems because past failures made them believe they can’t succeed. It’s like when you keep forgetting your passwords, get locked out of your account, and finally think, “That’s it! I’m done with this nonsense!”
Another challenge is informational learned helplessness, which happens when we’re bombarded with too much or conflicting information online. Ever tried Googling a simple question and ended up more confused than when you started? That’s it in action.
The good news? These feelings aren’t permanent. With the right approach, we can regain control and navigate the digital world with more confidence — one step at a time.
Why Does This Happen to Us — And How Does It Affect Our Mental Health?
Many of us didn’t grow up with digital technology, so adapting to it now feels like learning a new language — without a teacher and with the rules constantly changing!
Meanwhile, younger generations seem to navigate digital spaces effortlessly, tapping and swiping like it’s second nature.
No wonder we sometimes feel frustrated, embarrassed, or even resistant to trying new tech.
But here’s the thing! This struggle isn’t just about technology. It can take a real toll on our mental well-being:
Frustration and stress — Ever tried using a new device, failed miserably, and thought, “Maybe I’m just too old for this”? That’s the exhaustion of repeated failure talking.
Avoidance — Some of us throw in the towel completely. Online banking? No thanks, I’ll stick to cash. But avoiding digital tools can make life harder in the long run.
Dependency on others — Asking our kids or grandkids for help is fine — until we start feeling like a burden. “Can you fix my phone?” turns into “Why do I need to ask for help all the time?”
Isolation — With more services, social events, and even medical appointments moving online, struggling with digital skills can leave us feeling disconnected.
Health concerns — Too much screen time, frustration, and digital overwhelm can impact our well-being. It’s not just about tech but maintaining our independence and peace of mind.
The good news?
We don’t have to let this digital divide control us. With patience, practice, and a bit of humor, we can regain confidence and make technology work for us — without losing our sanity!
Common Situations of Digital Learned Helplessness
I’ve run into plenty of frustrating tech moments, and I’m sure you have too. Here are just a few that might sound familiar:
First, there’s online banking and e-health services. I’ve avoided them more times than I’d like to admit, simply because I was afraid of pressing the wrong button and messing something up. The fear of making a mistake can be enough to stop us from even trying.
Then there’s communication. Whether it’s texting, emailing, or video calling, using a smartphone or computer to stay in touch can feel like trying to tune an old radio — except the dials keep disappearing!
Another struggle is keeping up with constant changes. Just when I figure out how to use an app or website, they go and change everything. Suddenly, the buttons are in different places, the menus make no sense, and I’m back to square one.
And finally, there’s misinformation. The internet is full of advice, but how do we know what’s real and what’s nonsense? Without the right tools to verify sources, it’s easy to fall for misleading claims or outdated information.
If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone. The good news? There are ways to overcome these challenges without pulling our hair out.
7 Steps to Gain Confidence and Control
Overcoming digital learned helplessness IS possible, and it all comes down to neuroplasticity — our brain’s ability to keep learning, no matter our age. In other words, our brains stay “plastic” until the day we kick the bucket! If that’s not a good reason to keep learning, I don’t know what is.
From my own experience, here are some steps that have helped me and many others regain confidence with technology:
1. Start Small — Don’t try to master everything at once. Begin with one simple task, like sending a text message or opening an email. Small wins build confidence.
2. Be Patient with Yourself — Technology wasn’t built with us in mind, so it’s normal to struggle. Mistakes aren’t failures — they’re just part of the learning process.
3. Get Help — No shame in asking! Family, friends, or even local community groups can help. Many libraries and senior centers offer free digital literacy classes.
4. Use Simple Instructions — Skip the complicated jargon. Look for beginner-friendly guides or video tutorials that explain things step by step.
5. Practice Regularly — Just like learning to drive, the more you practice, the easier it gets. Use technology a little each day to build confidence.
6. Adopt a Growth Mindset — You CAN learn new things, no matter your age. It’s not about being “good at tech”; it’s about being open to learning.
7. Try Digital Coaching — There are fantastic programs and volunteers who offer one-on-one help to guide older adults through the digital world. If you have access to a tech-savvy friend, even better!
The key is to keep at it and remember — you’re not alone in this journey. With time and practice, technology can go from frustrating to actually useful (and maybe even fun).
Final Words
Technology isn’t here to replace us — at least not yet! It’s meant to serve us, not frustrate us. Sure, the digital world can feel overwhelming, but we’re not powerless.
Every time we learn a new digital skill, we’re proving that we CAN adapt. We’re taking back control, one click at a time.
So let’s support each other, stay curious, and remind ourselves that learning never stops.
If you ever feel discouraged, take a deep breath, have a cuppa, and give it another go. You’re not alone in this, and it’s NEVER too late to learn — after all, we’ve been figuring things out our whole lives.
Who says an old dog can’t learn new tricks? 😉
I read a book titled Digital Intelligence by Dr Mehmet Yildiz several years ago. It helped me a lot. When I joined Medium I found the chapters here and shared with my friends. You can take a look at the first chapter which links to others. I hope it helps you too. He inspired me to write one for elderly folks. Digital Intelligence — Chapter 1
Thanks for reading my story, folks. Take good care and have fun.
Further Reading from Scientific Studies
To deepen your understanding of digital learned helplessness, I will share some insightful research papers. These resources will provide further insights and help refine your perspective on helplessness.
The Relationship Between the Digital Divide and the Well-Being of Older Adults — Explores how digital divides impact older adults’ well-being and the role of learned helplessness.
From Helplessness to Controllability: Toward a Neuroscience of Psychological Resilience — Investigates the neuroscience of learned helplessness and resilience.
Russian News Media, Digital Media, and Informational Learned Helplessness — Discusses how media consumption affects belief in misinformation.
An Autonomy-Oriented Response to EAP Students’ Learned Helplessness in Online Classes — Examines learned helplessness in online education and strategies to counter it.
Helplessness Among University Students During the COVID-19 Pandemic — Studies the impact of digital learning transitions on student well-being.
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Lessons Learned from My Personal Stories
I am a retired healthcare scientist in his mid-70s, and I have several grandkids who keep me going and inspire me to write on this platform. I am also the chief editor of the Health and Science publication on Medium.com. As a giveback activity, I volunteered as an editor for Illumination publications, supporting many new writers. I will be happy to read, publish, and promote your stories. You may connect with me on LinkedIn, Twitter, and Quora, where I share stories I read. You may subscribe to my account to get my stories in your inbox when I post. You can also find my distilled content on Substack: Health Science Research By Dr Mike Broadly.
I liked your story, Dr Broadly. Technology can be challenging for the elderly. Thank you for unfolding this important matter clearly and accurately, Mike. I like your approach to creating cognitive reserves using technology as a neuroplasticity tool.
Hi Dr. Broadly, I just saw and read your story. Being that you are here in the Cadillac of the Newsletter Universe tells me you are not afraid of anything! I do not know if I qualify as an “elderly” at 78, however, while I recognize and identify with several of your descriptions, I also know, like you, there is help. I bought one of Dr. Yildiz books and it helped me with needed information and encouragement. One thing that helps is “perseverance.”
I would encourage anyone who feels (like your “bad day” story above), to hang in there and wait another day. If you really want to write, eventually, the mechanics of how to put your thoughts on “paper” will come to you. Try and try and try again. Plus there is a little help from friends like Drs. Broadly and Yildiz!